Leader (n): one who is in charge or in command of others.

It's been a long time since I've blogged, but I miss it. And right this very second, I've got a little time.

I have been married for five months now and it is wonderful. I love living life with Chris and serving alongside of him. He is patient and gracious and such a sweet gift to me. I am incredibly thankful.

But if I were to describe marriage in one word, it would not be "easy." I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world, but it can be tough! Want to know why? I'm sinful. And Chris is sinful. And when two sinners live life together, it's hard.

As a wife, the hardest thing for me, without a doubt, is relinquishing control. I am the oldest child in my immediate family and the oldest cousin in my extended family. Sterotypically, the oldest child likes to take charge (my siblings would probably use the word "bossy") and follow the rules. I fit that to a T. Put me in a group for a project and I will start the conversation and delegate the different tasks. Place me in front of kids and I will give them directions. Come to my house for a game night and I will explain the rules. Being a leader in this way - and I know that there are many other ways to be a leader - comes naturally to me. (I am also an outgoing extrovert, so that helps.)

There are times when this is works for my benefit (i.e. handling a classroom of children). And then there are times when I take charge and I shouldn't. For example, taking control in my marriage.

Don't get me wrong, I am allowed to have ideas and desires and opinions as a wife. I can voice them and lovingly express my heart to my husband. But I am not the leader. As a believer, I am my husband's helpmate. He is called to be the head of our family as Christ is head of His Church. And I am called to submit to him as the Church submits to Christ.

That is hard. It is not in my nature to step back and let Chris make decisions for us. My flesh wants control. I have recently been very convicted about this. I was looking over some sermon notes from a sermon called "Sanctification in Marriage" by Matt Chandler. Chris and I listened to it for our marriage counseling earlier this spring. (It's awesome. Listen here.) Chandler preaches on 1 Peter 3:1-7. He talks to women for a lot of this sermon. And he emphasizes the fact that women are to focus on their relationships with the Lord and they are to respect their husbands. Women should submit to their husbands. They should not berate, belittle, or emasculate their husbands. This happens all the time when women take control and insist with their words and actions that they as women could be better leaders. Wives should have a gentle and quiet spirit. This does not mean that I am a doormat and I am to stay quiet. It means that I should engage my husband in a way that encourages him in his weaknesses and praises him in his strengths. This helps my husband trust me and allows him to lead me confidently.

If you asked my friends and family to describe me in a few words, I don't think they would say "She is gentle and she has a quiet spirit." But I want those words to characterize me! I want it to be who I am as a believer and as a wife. I know women who I would describe in that way and I deeply admire the submission they show to their husbands and to the Lord. I am striving for this. I am thankful that the Lord has given me a desire to love my husband better by learning more about what it means to be a wife of noble character. He is so good and so sweet for giving me the gift of marriage.

"Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external - the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear - but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious." -1 Peter 3:1-4

"So, how's being engaged?"

(For those of you who do not know, I got engaged on December 10, 2012.)

I love when people ask me about my engagement, but I feel like I always have to answer this question with a quick, "Wonderful! It's hard, but it's great. I cannot wait to be married!"

I'd like to answer it in depth.

The fact that I'm even engaged is crazy! I am 20 years old and I still have another year of college. Some people think it's a bit insane. They would never do it. While I cannot deny that I am young, it's what is right for me and Chris. And in the same breath, it's so surreal! I often think to myself, "I am getting married?! Wow, this is actually happening!"

I am thankful. Chris is such a blessing in my life. He is more patient than I will ever be. He is gentle and speaks kindly to me. He is humble. He is quick to forgive. He shows me so much grace. He is a God-fearing man. He points me to Christ. I cannot believe I get to marry this man! I love him so much! What a gift he is to me. I am so grateful to God for placing him in my life.

The season of engagement can be hard. Striving for purity is tough. That's the truth. The desires we were given are not sinful, but what we do with those desires can become sinful. I am thankful that Chris and I have had open communication about striving for purity throughout our relationship. We are not perfect, but God is faithful. I have learned a lot about the importance of prayer through this, because we cannot be obedient if we are not trusting in His perfect plan and relying on Him at all times.

Wedding planning is, to sum it up in one word, continuous. It's always happening. I could always be doing something else for the wedding. (Fortunately, I'm not always doing something for the wedding and I have learned to do other things without even thinking about wedding planning.) There is way more to wedding planning than I thought. Just finding a venue was a challenge! I have never called and emailed so many people in my life! (In mid-January, we finally settled on a gorgeous jockey club called Rock Springs.) Thankfully, my mom is a natural planner and she is super organized. She is always on top of things! I do not know what I would do without her help. Seriously though.

Don't get me wrong, wedding planning is also really fun! I mean, c'mon, it's my wedding! I only get to do this one time. Finding a dress was awesome. I found it at the first store I went to and it was the second dress I tried on. I didn't want to take it off. I tried on four more dresses for good measure, but I knew it was the one. That sounds SO cliche, but it's true. Designing invitations was cool because we got to pick something that fit our theme and looked like us. We're currently in the process of making our centerpieces. It's a little labor-intensive, but it's been enjoyable. My whole family is helping!

Without a good transition paragraph, I'll say that marriage is talked about a lot in Scripture. One of the main passages regarding marriage is Ephesians 5:22-33. There is a lot in these verses, and I will not attempt to explain them in depth. But this passage talks mainly about the roles of the husband and wife in relation to the roles of Christ and the Church. Wives are to submit to their husbands as the church submits to Christ. Husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the Church. These commands are not conditional for either of us. The Bible does not say, "Wives, submit to your husbands if they love you well." The Bible also does not say, "Husbands, love your wives if they submit to you." So I will strive to submit to Chris because I submit to Christ. I will strive to submit to Chris because I am commanded to submit to my husband. And Chris will strive to love me with a sacrificial love because Christ loves the Church sacrificially. He will strive to love me because he is commanded to love his wife. I know this will be challenging because, in our sinful nature, women desire to be in control and men resort to passivity. Please pray that we will desire to fight this sin in order to have a God-glorifying marriage and that, through God's grace alone, Chris and I will be a clear picture of the Church's submission to Christ and Christ's love for the Church.

75 days :)

"When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." -Nora Ephron 

Stop Fat Talk

Have many times have you heard a friend say: "I'm so fat." or "Do I look fat in this?" (Or how many times have you said that about yourself to someone else?)

How about:

Friend 1: "I'm so fat."

Friend 2: "No you're not, I am."

Friend 1: "You are NOT fat. But look at me, I mean my thighs are HUGE."

Friend 2: "Are you kidding me? Your legs are like sticks! Look at my stomach. Ugh, gross."

And so on and so forth...

Sound familiar?

This video was made four years ago for an event called "Fat Talk Free Week." It's pretty powerful. Take a moment to watch it.

Many women think fat talk is helpful because they see that their friends suffer from the same problem. But in reality, woman who complain about their bodies are actually more unsatisfied with their appearance. Support and empathy from friends is important and even healthy. Commiserating about body image is not. Fat talk tends to emphasize the ideal body image portrayed by the media and leads women to believe that hating one's body is normal.

This makes me so, so sad. I think it cuts really deep with me because it was a part of my life for about six years. Body image issues consumed me throughout high school and for a good portion of my first two years of college. I now realize that talking with my friends who shared my struggle was not beneficial; if anything, it continued to feed the struggle.

It honestly makes my insides hurt when I think about how controlling this struggle with body image has been for girls and women in today's society. One out of three women is on a diet at any given time. An estimated seven million women in America have an eating disorder. And 97% of women have negative body thoughts daily. That is an overwhelming percentage.

So I think that one of the ways we can help prevent eating disorders and obsession over dieting and weight, is to STOP fat talk. I have to start with myself. I will stop fat talk. And I will try to help my friends stop as well.

Let me just end by saying that the root of this struggle is sin. Our desire for people to find us attractive, our brokenness, our dissatisfaction. That is all sin. And I do not want to pretend that body image issues will be solved by simply eliminating certain words or phrases from our vocabulary. I know that the only true healing that anyone can receive is through Jesus. I know without a doubt that I would not be able to fight this battle without Christ. I pray that Christian women would recognize the grace of God and the life He has given us. Let us stop striving for the unattainable and start believing that the Lord looks at the heart.

I want people to see Christ in me. The way I look shouldn't matter. It's time I start believing that.