Leader (n): one who is in charge or in command of others.

It's been a long time since I've blogged, but I miss it. And right this very second, I've got a little time.

I have been married for five months now and it is wonderful. I love living life with Chris and serving alongside of him. He is patient and gracious and such a sweet gift to me. I am incredibly thankful.

But if I were to describe marriage in one word, it would not be "easy." I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world, but it can be tough! Want to know why? I'm sinful. And Chris is sinful. And when two sinners live life together, it's hard.

As a wife, the hardest thing for me, without a doubt, is relinquishing control. I am the oldest child in my immediate family and the oldest cousin in my extended family. Sterotypically, the oldest child likes to take charge (my siblings would probably use the word "bossy") and follow the rules. I fit that to a T. Put me in a group for a project and I will start the conversation and delegate the different tasks. Place me in front of kids and I will give them directions. Come to my house for a game night and I will explain the rules. Being a leader in this way - and I know that there are many other ways to be a leader - comes naturally to me. (I am also an outgoing extrovert, so that helps.)

There are times when this is works for my benefit (i.e. handling a classroom of children). And then there are times when I take charge and I shouldn't. For example, taking control in my marriage.

Don't get me wrong, I am allowed to have ideas and desires and opinions as a wife. I can voice them and lovingly express my heart to my husband. But I am not the leader. As a believer, I am my husband's helpmate. He is called to be the head of our family as Christ is head of His Church. And I am called to submit to him as the Church submits to Christ.

That is hard. It is not in my nature to step back and let Chris make decisions for us. My flesh wants control. I have recently been very convicted about this. I was looking over some sermon notes from a sermon called "Sanctification in Marriage" by Matt Chandler. Chris and I listened to it for our marriage counseling earlier this spring. (It's awesome. Listen here.) Chandler preaches on 1 Peter 3:1-7. He talks to women for a lot of this sermon. And he emphasizes the fact that women are to focus on their relationships with the Lord and they are to respect their husbands. Women should submit to their husbands. They should not berate, belittle, or emasculate their husbands. This happens all the time when women take control and insist with their words and actions that they as women could be better leaders. Wives should have a gentle and quiet spirit. This does not mean that I am a doormat and I am to stay quiet. It means that I should engage my husband in a way that encourages him in his weaknesses and praises him in his strengths. This helps my husband trust me and allows him to lead me confidently.

If you asked my friends and family to describe me in a few words, I don't think they would say "She is gentle and she has a quiet spirit." But I want those words to characterize me! I want it to be who I am as a believer and as a wife. I know women who I would describe in that way and I deeply admire the submission they show to their husbands and to the Lord. I am striving for this. I am thankful that the Lord has given me a desire to love my husband better by learning more about what it means to be a wife of noble character. He is so good and so sweet for giving me the gift of marriage.

"Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external - the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear - but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious." -1 Peter 3:1-4